bad mommy

last thursday i was purging out the junk in our garage for the garage sale my mom and i had last weekend {it was amazing... thanks for asking!!} and i told maddie that she couldn't do something {can't even remember what it was now...} and she huffed off into the house in a foul mood. about 15 minutes later i went in to get some water and found this. on her door. which was closed. and heard her meekly talking to herself inside about how mean i was and i could just stay out all day.

dude.

do i look like this? really?

cause i have to say. i love that fact that my hips aren't as wide as they truly are in real life and she gave my hair some extra length and some manageable waves. and i've apparently lost about 90 lbs and i have been told i have a big mouth at times... and now that i'm talking about it what happened to my neck and torso and butt??

but the thing that got me was the talking to herself. because i used to do that. i used to get in trouble for lying when i was 7-8-9. alot. {yes mom.... i will finally admit it to be true. i lied alot.} and i used to be sent to my room to write lines. lines of things like ....

i will not lie. i will not lie. i will not lie.
i will not lie. i will not lie. i will not lie.
i will not lie. i will not lie. i will not lie.
i will not lie. i will not lie. i will not lie.
i will not lie. i will not lie. i will not lie.

and if i did the long line of l's, trying to connect the letters in the words from top to bottom {to save time} i would have to start over.

but the point is that while i was writing these lines i would talk to myself about how much no one listened to me. how they didn't love me, like me, care about me... yadda yadda yadda. and last thursday. listening to the bean mutter her sadness made my heart swell in love and smiles. because i felt and knew that she is mine. she will be my legacy. she will be me and yet, she will be herself in so many ways. and that, to me, is a perfect moment of knowing, and loving, that i am her mama. wavy, mouth agape, stick picture and all.

xoxo

and btw : that project i talked about yesterday? comcast delayed it one full day by deciding that today was the day they would shut off our internet and drive me and the kids go spend a splendid day at auntie sarah's where we swam in the pool. ate hot dogs and drank gatorade in the club house. we were mellow and free out in the sun on a 90 degree day. and i can't thank them enough for getting my butt out of this house for some friendship and fun!

Comments

[jayne]

OK, so that is the cutest, funniest, heartbreaking-ist, adorable, laugh out loud little drawing ever! Not sure what features/detail I love the most, the luxurious flowing wavy hair, the outstretched arms with tense jazz-hands or the wide open mouth....LOL

Well, if nothing else, M. is her mother's child - that is a wicked sense of creativity and detail....just like her beautiful mom!

PS - I am also loving the detail on the cheeks...would they be tears streaming down????

[raesha]

Maddie cracks me up. Miss S made a sign for her room once that said "no moms allowed" she also once gave me a note that said "I love you mom" then got really mad at me a few days later and came and got the note off my desk and ripped it up. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time....such a little bugger and she has my exact temper:) Thanks for sharing this experience with us!