live . craft . learn

sometimes the hardest things to get out ...

... are the easiest to pull together. sunday was my first week back at creative therapy after taking a few much needed months off. it took me a while to really get my thoughts together when i was deciding who to apologize to, actually it took me almost the entire week. but once i started it all came out in a flood of writing that was so full of pain and love and hurt and in the end i believe a huge hurdle of compassion for myself. and, i will confess, i needed that compassion and love so much.

april 21, 2009

i'm sorry. i got cold feet. i haven't loved you like i should have been all of these years. i'm sorry that i didn't ignore them. the taunts. the teases. the names, the snides, the things that they, those children, did to hurt you. i'm sorry you listened. i'm sorry you believed it. i'm sorry you didn't realize that you were worth more than that. you were always, always, always worth so much more. you were priceless. you were beautiful. you were perfect and happy and one of a kind. but, i left you. at the first sign of trouble i left. i didn't hold your hand and tell you to be strong. i didn't tell you, you were priceless. i'm sorry that i didn't believe it. i should have known. i should have told you.

these painful thoughts about my bullied childhood have been on my mind, my heart and my soul for so long. especially now that maddie is in school and ben will be starting in a year. i can remember how i was the easy target because i was the emotional little girl who just wanted to belong. i just wanted to belong and feel loved and liked by my peers. i know alot of these things are also linked to my father and his painful absence. it's all connected. it's all intertwined.

i know it seems so sad doesn't it? but i'm not sad, truly. i actually feel like a little of that pain has been swept away. it feels so good to get the thoughts out and down on paper. even if i feel slightly vulnerable and a tiny bit scared to share the journaling.

being vulnreable is something i think i've hesitated to do since last summer.

but no more.

happy wednesday lovely friends.
xo

12 days ... did you miss me?

i'm laughing a little sitting here realizing that it's been 12 days since i've written anything or said hello. it's honestly NOT for a lack of things to post about. i think it has more to do with the fact that it was 90 degrees for a few days here this past week {i SO have summer fever} but there is news :

1. hambly and two peas have teamed up for a fantastic contest. go here to check out all of the stats. you know you want to win some hambly goodness. {the layout above is for the dt assignment that was just posted on the hambly blog... check it out}

2. kenner road has been amazing. amAzing! i feel so blessed to have had teresa guest for us this month, this team that believes wholeheartedly {as i do} in kr and all of my lovely supportive customers. life is wonderful.

3. i've been designing and designing and designing. so excited about the kr exclusive products for next month. maybe a sneak next week will be in order ;)

4. my littles. they have tag teamed us on the not-feeling-so-well band wagon. i swear this has been one of the worst illness winters ever for us. is this what it's like to have littles in school? ugh!

5. i've got some classes coming up at pmp in june and they are almost finished. love teaching. love teaching. oh... did i say i love teaching yet?

6. my sweet friend mrs. ruiz got married yesterday - officially. sending her all of my love and good wishes.

7. we're on week three of our organic vegetable delivery and it has made me cook more and eat better.

8. i love hash browns.

9. i'm off to do some late garage sale shopping and thrift store browsing. hopefully i'll have some goodies to share later.

happy saturday!
xo

only 24 hours ....

until the full kenner road reveal tomorrow night at 9pm pacific. see ya there ;)

a corner all her own

two weeks ago, during spring break {the same day that lisa had my car locked up at the thrift store} i found maddie a desk.

small. industrial. cheap.

it fits right between her bed and closet and she adores her little nook. she has piles of little things to cut and glue and sticker and collections of pens all organized just right. she sits for hours here making and then displaying everything from hand drawn rainbows to pictures of one of her bff's.

the reward for setting this all up is that the other day she showed me this little book drawing with maddie. pages of things she has created and every page is grouped by family; farm animals, insects, shapes, rainbows, etc. it's not quite done yet so she hasn't given me permission to share the inside, but once she does i will run here to share... it is too precious!

but i do have this to share, a little sneak peek of an april kr layout i finished last night. this one combines both add-ons {hen house & two-by-four} with a few bits from the main kit. i have a few more sneaks coming later tomorrow but right now i'm off to make some peet pot easter baskets thanks to lisa's fab tutorial on the kr blog this past weekend.

happy thursday!
xo

ps : gigi just posted some wonderful links to kids spring craft activities on the kr blog {{here}}. super cute!

hambly : april

i have some new hambly goodness to share. i had such a good time yesterday afternoon making that little tiered cake stand above. maddie was sitting at the little desk behind teaching herself how to draw from a new painting book and i was gluing a hodge podge of sewing bobbins to a mini tart pan and giggling the entire time.

i can't tell you home much i adore this company. the quality of the designs are amazing {i know i don't need to tell you that... we all know allison is amazing!} but i really appreciate that almost everything is handmade, ie hand-screened. it's just something you don't find in large production runs anymore.

and i finally figured out how to print those little proof prints right from my printer, which is where this layout with maddies birthday pics came from.... how did i not know i could do this??!? lol

ok... we're off to the bookstore.
happy tuesday!
xo