three days

we've got three days until this one, my first, my girl, my best friend and my most beautiful daughter is headed back to stanford for another round of surgery. i thought that the first time we were there i would learn that worrying and fretting doesn't help, it doesn't you know.... but unfortunately my nerves haven't listened and i'm finding myself turning into a flitter stomached mama all over again.

about two years ago we discovered through some late night er visits with fevers and chills that she has vesicoureteral reflux. after 3 vcug's and two years of prophylactic antibiotics she's still a stage 4/5. almost the worst of the worst.

i've barely slept in the past two weeks. i either go to bed extremely late because i just can't quiet my mind, or i wake up at 5 am because my stomach is in a knot of worry. the worst though, i think, is the endless nights of 2-3 hour mid night insomnia. i get up. i drink a glass of water. i surf the net or watch something extremely uninteresting on hulu. nothing has helped. nothing will help until we are past this milestone and on the recovery end... this i know.

so i go about my day {and night} pretending and keeping us as busy as i possibly can. i mostly keep my worries to myself and pray that she'll be ok. i just want her to be ok.

please keep her in your thoughts.
xo

Comments

[Erin Whelan]

Any surgury is scary. All my best to your family and special girl. I hope the nights get easier and the mornings get better.
Erin W

[catherine s.]

You and your family are in our prayers...I know exactly how that goes and pray that good health and some answers from above come very soon for your sweetie.

Try to sleep - it will ease your mind and give you the strength you need...

catherine s.

[Julie]

U know U and yours are ALWAYS in my prayers KL! *sigh* this just brought back last June...the convo we had about our babies surgeries...*sigh* ...rushing back it is...wow...tears streaming for U...and her.....I'm there with in spirit my dear....U are an amazing mother...and your baby is an amazing girl...love u......love u........

[lori p]

praying that all goes well for ALL of you. sleep well and let God give you the peace, rest and comfort that you need... keep the faith.

[kristina K]

:(
i will be thinking of you guys.
let me know if you need anything. for real. don't be afraid to ask. i'm only a few minutes away......

[Nat]

I will be thinking of you and your little girl!

[Sharmaine]

Will be thinking of you all and praying for a speedy recovery. Hugs

[isabel]

kisses from Paris for you and your beautiful little girl

[Beth Perry]

I most definitely will.

[amy]

prayers for you all. she looks so much like you...

[~amy~]

My heart goes out to you...hang in there...I will definitely be thinking of you guys.

[jen]

Awww, KL ... lots of prayers going up for you and your girl. Stay strong!

[mom]

My daughter, my little girl and best friend,
Be strong and know, JUST KNOW IN YOUR SOUL, all will be fine. As you said before, your PAPA will be in there with her when you can't.
And the rest of us will be there for her when she comes out!
I couldn't be prouder of the mama you are,
Love Mom

[erin]

hi kl,
please know that i love you.
please know i'll be praying for you and your beautiful little girl.
please know if there's anything i can do, ever, at all, just call me.
408-460-0426.
i mean it.
i love you.
erin

[Sara]

I am so sorry... she is my thoughts. If you didn't worry about her, everyone else would be worried about you.

Why must we be kept on our toes when it comes to our children? A love so deep and true ... it can be so painful at times.

[Marianne]

I keep you in my thoughts;-) It is so painfull to be a mother to a sick child, stay strong KL!!

[Corinna]

Kerry, Madison is going to be fine. She is a strong little girl and you guys are working with the best medical staff to fix this. Please go easy on yourself, you will make it through this as you have before. We will be thinking of your sweet girl this week, please keep us posted. Love, Co

[Helen]

I feel for you, I really do. Sending you all my very best wishes that everything turns out fine for your daughter. As for the insomnia, I'm a fellow sufferer - now I just go with the flow and do have some of my most creative moments at 3 in the morning. Aside from that, have you tried camomile tea or lavender oil. I've just got some 'Just' products from Switzerland, mixes of essential oils and have found, using them this past week, that they have really helped me - I'm waking up at 5 not 2.30/3 now......mail me if you want the names/site to buy from....thinking of you anyway, Helen

[Leah C]

Please know that there are many of us praying for your sweet, precious daughter...and for you:) Of course you worry, that's what mamas do. Have faith that all will be well.

[Greta]

Positive thoughts for your sweet girl, and for you. May you all get through this with flying colors.

[Kelly in Canada]

I will pray for you because I know the feelings I have for my little and he is the most precious thing on this earth to me. I can only just imagine. Anyway, be strong and know that your strength will help to carry her through.
Kelly

[Diane B.]

praying for your precious daughter for a quick recovery and for your continued strength. my heart aches for you. stay strong. {hugs}

[liesbeth]

Anything relating to hospitals and doctors suck when it comes to children. I can soooo relate to that (my oldest is chronically ill). Have faith, try to sleep a little bit because you will need it to be strong for her. She will do just fine. I will be thinking of you and I'll send lots of positive vibes your way! {HUGS}

[gigi]

love you....

breathe...just breathe...

be quiet, let it just be what it is & listen closely b/c remember that "lightness has a sound that's hard to hear"...listen for it :)

xoxo

gi

[Jen S]

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!

[Michelle]

Praying for you and your family KL!!!

{{{BIG HUGS}}}

[Robyn]

Ohhh KL, so sorry to hear this and I can only begin to imagine what you are going through....I will keep you all in my prayers....please post an update.

Totally thinking of you!
XO-
Robyn

[Holly Hanks]

Awww, KL... I can't imagine what you're going through. Big, big hug for you. You and your little lady will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Madeline]

I'm mostly a lurker, i've met you at Suzy's, but I really just wanted to write something here to say that you and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers. It looks like you have a lot of people and family surrounding you with love.

[Debby Schuh]

Praying for peace and good things for you and your sweet little girl!

[Erin B]

thinking of you and your sweet girl and sending you all my best positive vibes.

[lisa truesdell]

((hugs)) and love. will be thinking of you both.

[elizabeth]

your family and your lil bug*a*boo are in my thoughts and prayers. i can't even imagine what you are going through. ((((big hugs))))

[Vicki]

I hope everything goes well with the surgery and the recovery is quick.

Thinking about you and your family.

[kent]

Oh man I am so sorry to hear that. I will be praying for you and your family. "Cast all your Cares on Him for He cares for you" easier said than done at 2am but keep trying!

[emily pitts]

if she's anything like her mama, she'll be strong and brave. you're in my thoughts and definitely in my prayers.

[Christie Wildes]

my thoughts and prayers being sent up for your baby girl and your family. huge ((hugs)). i pray for peace and comfort for you and precision and care in the doctors' hands.
xoxo
christie

[bettyann]

Prayers and good thoughts are flying your way from canada..take care..

[Nicole]

kl, I will be praying for you and your precious daughter and your family! I'm so sorry she's having to endure this. :(

[ania]

*hughughugs* hope everythings fine and she's on her way to a speedy recovery by now!!!!

[Robyn]

been thinking about you all.
hope to see good news in an update soon....

[Samantha S]

You are in my prayers

[vee]

you and your family are in my prayers. hugs!!

[muralimanohar]

Hope it all went well. Watching your babies in pain is the worst. :(

[anna]

O Kerry, I am so sorry, but you need to be strong, so start looking after yourself, xxxx

[robin]

prayers and healing thoughts to you and your little angel. --robin