lesson learned

It's been a rough week.

The universe always has this amazing way to knock my thoughts and feelings a little harder into my gut, especially immediately after i admit to them. It's like another little personal sucker punch {or in this case, a knock to the jaw} as if to really drive the lesson I'm conquering as deep into me as it can. Pain always cuts deeper, isn't that the saying?

This admission of course is so connected to the emergency root canal I had to have last week after an intense and excruciating 24 hours of pain in my right jaw. It started with a little bit of hot-cold sensitivity and ended with incredibly frightening swelling within 24 hours. It worked fast.

The pain was excruciating.

If any of you suffer from chronic pain I feel for you. I mean I really feel for you! The 6 days I dealt with this and the 4 days I was in bed reeling with pain, addicted to my ice pack, was so much worse than my 3 day labor with the little man, which by comparison didn't even compare to this pain. at. all.

The hardest part was that I couldn't keep any pain med's down, from vicodin to darviset, nothing stayed in except my intense anti-b's and motrin.

It was a huge lesson in having to be vulnerable and having to really feel what i was feeling, something I am horrible at. I have always been so much better at the smoke and mirrors, the smiles hiding the painful truth I held inside; the pretend. I have always been good at the pretending.

I had to be dependent on everyone around me for 6 days. That is hard. To just let go and concentrate on getting well. Seems like such an easy thing to do but it's not, it never has been. My man and my mom dealt with the house and the little's and I laid in bed and kept thinking about how poignant the timing for this was. An expensive lesson in vulnerability.

dude, soooo very expensive!

But here I am on the other side, one week later. Feeling better, getting myself back together. Getting our home back together. Connecting the dots and being so ever grateful.

Lesson learned.

xo

Comments

[ania]

Ouch! Needed a root canal when I was uh, 17 or 18, darn did the 2 or 3 days H U R T until the dentist had time for me! So you have my deepest sympathy :P Glad you're better!

[Beth Perry]

sorry, babe. that sucks a big fat one.
glad you are feeling better. I always look at things like that too. like it's a lesson learned or things aren't always going to be puppies and babies.
you DO inspire me, though. and i said so in my interview. :P
B

[Reija]

glad to hear you're better! pain is a terrible thing but i must admit i didn't think anything would be worse than child birth at its worst... i feel for you! ps. i miss your scrappings and other arts and crafts projects :).

[Diane B.]

glad you're feeling better, hon and sorry to hear about your dental disaster. i feel your pain. i admit that over the past 2 years i have developed a major phobia to all things dental-related thanks in part to 2 separate experiences of being prodded with dental tools AFTER getting numbing shots.

i always appreciate your honesty in your blog posts. you may find flaws in yourself but all i see is a true authentic beautiful human! :)

[Julie]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh U poor thing...I am glad U are feeling better now...ohhhhhhh and ps....brookie is FINALLY having another surgery....we have gone without for a year now....our insurance dropped her hospital...and the force to change insurance caused us to use three appeals before we finally got approved...*sigh* this has been a long battle...as I'm sure U can relate...just wanted to share that with u...love u... :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

[Nadine]

oh dear. I'm not sure if I can understand
this pain since I've never experienced it
>.< but I'm glad you're better now! (:

[Leah C]

Ugh...sounds like a really bad week! Hope you're feeling much better now:) Wishing you well...

[jo]

owwwwwww

samuel just had the same and I felt so bad ...he couldnt even put hs little head down.

Glad you are feeling better...
x