dream big

 my mini book of affirmations via mondo beyondo

Once upon a time I felt like i was someone who lived their life with an open heart. I was someone who allowed myself to be vulnerable. I was someone who wasn't afraid to share and open up, to someone who loved to lift up others and someone who always said I lived my life with an authentic heart.

I felt a freedom with my emotions that I was proud to embrace. I felt it in my home life. I felt it in my personal dreams and aspirations. I felt it when I made things & when I would journal on scrap pages.

I felt free when I gave myself over to my heart & emotions.

I wasn't scared.

I didn't *think* I cared if I was judged by others.

But, somewhere along the way, sometime over the last three years, I lost it. I began allowing myself to hold back and shut down. I let myself be swayed by gossip and comments that I knew were untrue. I let myself live in a world that wasn't what I wanted. I let myself become a person that believed the negativity was the truth.

I lost me.

I lost me because I didn't believe in me.

This not a process i'm unfamiliar with really. oh no. That chip on my shoulder that whispers in my ear is like a wicked old friend who comes to visit when I let myself feel scared, when I let myself believe my doubts and especially when I tell myself I am worthless.

She is a doubter, my friend 'Chip', and I hate her.

I hate that I allow that little voice to control my life. I allow her to dictate who I am and who I will become. I hate that I know why she exists and when she moved into my head. I hate that I am 37 years old and I still give her all of the power.

I know I have a beautiful life, and yet, she is still there.

I also know I'm not alone.

So, this summer I am making it my goal to kick her and her doubting, evil and life-numbing ways, to the curb. I don't have an answer to how I'm going to do it and I don't know where the path this summer will lead me, but I do know that I plan on living a mondo beyondo life from here on out.

So bring it Chip, give it your best shot, cause i'm putting you on notice.

xo, kL

ps : thank you for all of your sweet words about my burning note moment. I was laughing as I did it and let me tell you, it felt really, really good! xo

Comments

[Maria Therese]

So sweet!!!

[Amber Zimmerman]

You go girl! Send her packin'. :)

[Nora Anne]

What an adorable little book :) Good luck on your journey!

[emily pitts]

thank you for sharing this kl. nice to know i'm not alone :)

[Beth Perry]

that is so lovely and pretty!

[Mari]

I feel so sad reading this,knowing that this is your inner thoughts. I wish I could be there and give you the greatest hug!
I am glad you don't let Chip get you down, bring her over here, and I would kick her in the butt!

PS: that mini is the prettiest!

love you!!

[jo]

I think chips twin lives on my shoulder :)

Love the mini and I think I might take to burning notes :)) x

[julie]

I feel just the same.
I know that battle in your head, that anger in your heart for not being who you were and loosing touch with your true innerself.
I know and it hurts so bad.

I've been trying to kick her out as well, without real permanent success.
But i know it's worth it when she's not around.
I guess it will be a lifetime battle for me.

So good luck and remember ... you are NOT alone.

[Helen]

You've got to love mini books made with Hambly transparencies....

Here's to a wonderful journey of discovery/fulfillment for you this summer and here's to the Death Of Chip (as a Pooh story might be called).......

[Leah C]

You go, kl!! Sounds like really good advice...some I should put into practice, too:)

[mom]

We can only love others in the same proportion of how much we love ourselves
Our vessel needs to first be filled by us, for us..then we can share

hearts and hugs

[Michelle Clement]

Good riddance, chip! Away with you!

(Lovely affirmations & super-cute mini, miss KL). :)

[joanne smith (spagirl)]

thanks for sharing. and being open. i felt i could really relate to your words. thank you. i am pretty much a lurker on your blog... lovelovelove your creativity and am inspired by it! keep on keepin' on!!

[Dina]

This rocks. And so do you.

[Sarah Lou]

oh my heart! this is just magical. simply divine

[Heidi Sonboul]

VERY CUTE Projects! I love the ice blue!

[Nicole]

i *heart* you! :)

[Denise Morrison]

after you kick her to the curb you could run her over with your car. As she stands up to dust herself off you could put it in reverse and knock her down again. (I might have done this once or twice)

I like your coaster book.

[Sandrine]

WOW what a wonderful mini !!! (is the cover made of Hambly paper too ?? Can I ask you how you made it ??)
I so love to read your post ! the little voice... I have it too, and hate it too !! to talk about it like you did is certainly a way to kick it off ^-^ I do hope you will win very very soon !! Maybe we could organize a date for our little voices and when they are together we'd propose them to go talking in some other head than ours AHAHAHAH !!!

[Leslie]

I love this post! One of my favorites ever. I think we all have something that tears at us and it takes bravery and courage to talk about our fears. Go get'em!

[Denise Laborde]

What a nive post and mini :)

[gigi]

hi...

hugs
& yeah...
go to it :)
xoxo
gi

[Jan Hennings]

sweetest little mini and am glad you're feeling better!